I've been keeping everyone out of the loop because i have been in a pretty dark place and i really haven't been ready to talk about things, but it seems more and more people are starting to catch on. After my best friend Jonathan died May 14, 2015 i have been having some serious troubles coming out of it, I've sought out therapy now and seem to be getting better. less panic attacks, and more sleep at night. but the honest truth is that over the past year and a half husband and i have been having a lot of troubles in our marriage. we lost a total of 4 friends who all graduated high school with us, on top of that i was getting hormone treatments and i was taking metformin and provera, and even did 7 cycles of clomid, i was desperately trying to get pregnant. i fell into a deep depression that i was even embarrassed to talk about because i was feeling like the one thing that a woman's body should do, mine couldn't. Then i had the realization that i was in this dark place because no one was by my side through all of it, not even him. Randal put up a wall that just got higher and higher with every loss, and my mom was dealing with her own things, i didn't want to burden her with mine. long story short as possible, almost 3 months ago, husband lost his job, and then admitted to me that for the past 9-10 months he had been abusing pain meds, and not just abusing them, but intravenously. My whole life turned upside down. How didn't i know that my husband was shooting up for 9 months? That's when i booked the trip to Vegas to see my aunt and uncle, because i just needed to run away and clear my head. hes been clean for 60 days now, but we are going to proceed with a separation and most likely a divorce. i'm only 25, and not too young to start over with someone who can be there the way i need them to be. i'm okay now, and i'm still in therapy, i have been diagnosed with OCD (control and letting go, list making, and needed to achieve specific goals before doing anything), depression, and panic disorder. its been a long time coming, and i'm finally doing whats best for me.
